I'm here.
I am actually here. About a couple of months ago or so I learned about this conference. I so desperately wanted to be here, but there was no doubt in my mind that we couldn't afford it. The conference itself was $200, and then there's the fact that the conference is 2 nights....and oh yea, food. Our bodies pretty much depend on it. There was just no way that we could afford it. It wasn't going to happen, and by all logic it shouldn't have happened.
I was determined that I was going to try to make it happened. My intentions were good. I wanted to show that with some hard work and perseverance it would be possible. I wanted to prove it to myself and to others, especially a young lady that I had just encouraged to put herself out there. So armed with all of this pride, I turned to a T-shirt campaign.
Don't get me wrong. Do not allow the enemy to whisper all kinds of deceitful words to you. T-shirt campaigns are not bad or signs of lack of faith. Remember always, it's a heart thing. My heart was puffed up. That had nothing to do with t-shirts.
It took one night for this t-shirt campaign to break me. I was promoting, planning, and doing all kinds of things in my own strength. And I broke. I listened to that still and subtle voice of the Lord speaking to me. I walked away. I mourned it for a little while, but then decided to take heart and be so present and so content in what God had in front of me right there.
We were going to see The Roots in concert with amazing friends. My husband's birthday was coming up. We had just celebrated my son's first birthday. I was going to a women's conference at my church, and I had been asked to be a part of that. It was an amazing time, and my discontentment was robbing me from enjoying that moment and listening to what God had for me there.
Shortly thereafter I forgot about he conference altogether until the day before the conference. Thanks to Facebook's creepy ways, I saw that a friend of mine had posted on someone else's page about a friend of their's that was coming to the conference. Got that? It was weird. I know. LOL! I wasn't stalking her, but it showed up in my newsfeed. All the feelings about wanting to come to the conference came back.
I'm pretty whimsical. I admit so on any given day, there's a lot of things that I want. This wasn't one of those things. This was something that I deeply desired, and my heart ached a little that I couldn't attend. I went to the event page and saw that tickets were still available, but nothing had changed in our financial situation. There was no way I could go.
Making the best of the situation, I downloaded the app and decided to enjoy as much of the livestream as I could. I took four pages of notes from one of the sessions that I saw online while Erick slept. Mind you, this session didn't happen during his normal nap time. Someway. Somehow. Erick hadn't napped normally so he wound up sleeping again at just the time that the session came on. I could go on. I could tell you about how I didn't think I would have time to finish doing some things around the house before the conference, but somehow I did. Pay attention to the small stuff guys. These aren't flukes. God's hand was at work already.
Last night my little family and I enjoyed a movie and sushi while the second main session went on. It was okay. My heart was at rest knowing that I was exactly where I needed to be. I enjoyed every single moment. Then later last night, that sadness came back. I was tempted to get upset with God.
"God, why did you even have to remind of this conference?! I was perfectly okay not knowing it was this weekend. I had forgotten about it."
I gave God those thoughts as well, and decided to be content in whatever the circumstances. I know even though I didn't say much about it to my husband he was sad knowing that I wanted to be here and he couldn't afford to send me. I didn't want to hurt him or ruin our weekend, and even though no one else would know if I harbored discontentment. God would.
So I let it go. Again. Completely. By the grace of God alone.
I joked about being a conference crasher and simply hanging out at the hotel in hopes of hearing something behind those closed doors and simply being in the environment. My husband and I laughed. You know me and my odd sense of humor. I didn't stop there. I posted something to that effect as a status update on the event app. Soon after I fell asleep.
I woke up this morning to a lot of notifications on my screen. One of them was a message from a woman who had seen my status update. A woman from their church group was unable to attend the conference and the ticket was mine if I wanted. What?! I couldn't believe my eyes. I really couldn't.
It was crazy how everything else came together, and trust me when I say that a lot had to come together. Yet it did. My husband is at home enjoying some alone time. My son is at his Grandmama's house enjoy some family time. And I am here ya'll.
I am here. I am sitting at a little table in the corner of one of the main walkways. I just finished my turkey wrap and fruit salad, and I am sipping on my diet coke. As I watch woman after woman walking by. I am so utterly happy that I could be here to receive whatever it is that God wants me to receive.
My sessions are the sessions that were pre-chosen, so I didn't really have much hope of seeing Blair Linne after all, and that was okay with me. I am here.
But that wasn't enough for God. He wanted to give me more.
The second workshop is too full of people so I am welcome to go wherever I want to go for that session. And well, that just so happens to be the round of workshops where Blair Linne will be speaking and fortunately it isn't her session that is completely full.
I can't help, but be so utterly overwhelmed by God's goodness to me in all of this.
The thing to remember is that it's not about me. Yes, He is my Father and He loves me dearly. He loves you. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Every. Single. One.
So that's why I am here on my Chromebook. I'm bringing you what I got. I'll post as much as I can live on Instagram and Facebook. During breaks, I will bring you posts as much as I can here on the blog.
This is a conference for women not about women. It's about the Gospel. Stay tuned folks. The Gospel always changes lives. Who's with me???
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