Seasons: Because it's not quite Fall here

Fall is approaching, but we don't quite yet feel that in Florida. The temperature is still in the 90's on a daily basis, and summer storms are an (almost) daily thing. But fall is still coming, so I have my autumn scented candle burning and pumpkin spice mix has found it's way into my pancakes, coffee, and even sprinkled on my donuts. It's the time of year where Floridians try not to get too frustrated when we see our social media friends posting about sweaters, cardigans, and cool breezes while we are sweating like hogs and dodging potential hurricanes.

It's uncomfortable, yet exciting, and quite a bit awkward. It's the start of our Fall season. 

I am starting to feel that same way in my personal life. It's a new season. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I know it to be true. We have habits that God is chipping away and vision that He is developing. 

And it's uncomfortable right now, more than it's exciting, in a lot of ways. Though there is excitement, I'm very much so at the phase where I am inclined to want to shake my fists at those in more tolerable temperatures. You see, the humidity is high right now, and the summer storms feel so inhibiting to my plans. 

But in the middle of that, He beckons me to be still, to rest in Christ and learn of Him. He asks me to find my identity in Christ and His Good News. He reminds me of my undying need of Him and His unending grace, constantly. 

And that's good. 

Soon enough, the heat will slowly give way to a light refreshing breeze. The rains will give way to mornings worthy of long leisurely walks and afternoons accented with comfy scarfs. Oh yes, so by faith, we rock on. 

1 Peter 1:3-7

3Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead 4and into an inheritance that is imperishable,uncorrupted, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. 5You are being protected by God’s power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6You rejoice in this, though now for a short time you have had to struggle in various trials 7so that the genuineness of your faith — more valuable than gold, which perishes though refined by fire — may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Gospel Coalition Women's Conference Links

Yea, I know I have talked a heck of a lot about the Gospel Coalition Women's Conference that I miraculously got to attend last month. TGC has now posted an audio or video of every single session and workshop from the conference on their website. Here's a link in case you want to check it out. The general sessions cover the book of Nehemiah, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. The workshops cover a variety of topics from poetry to theology to missions. This particular sermon that I linked to here is about overcoming your fears through the fear of God. So good.

http://resources.thegospelcoalition.org/library/fearing-god-in-a-fallen-world

And here's the list of links for all of the sessions:
http://resources.thegospelcoalition.org/library?f%5Bevent_name%5D%5B%5D=The+Gospel+Coalition+2014+Women%27s+Conference&sort=title_sort

All the Single Ladies, This one's for you.

I was single for awhile, a long while, before I met my husband. We got married when I was twenty seven. 

And this is where the thirty-something, or forty-something, year old single woman sighs and rolls her eyes. 

Yes, I married in my twenties, but barely. Okay, that's probably not helping either. 

Instead of trying to prove to you why I feel some sort of qualification to write this post, I'll tell you why I am so hesitant to write it. 

I'm married. When I was single, I was the nice girl that received a lot of unsolicited advice and pity. Way before saying "I do", I vowed not to be not to be one of those women. (P.s. I haven't always succeeded in this department.) It wasn't because I didn't want or need encouragement, I did. It's just not what I got in some instances. Their pity made me feel like some sort of an unlovable alien, and all of their advice seemed like too much of a burden to bear. 

Can I continue being honest with you? I kinda sorta blame the church. 

Somewhere along the line we have started seeing and treating someone's wedding day as a sort of graduation from singleness. The church loves formulas. Heck, I love formulas. It helps us feel like we have some sort of control of our situation when we don't. So when I was single there were a lot of different formulas for me. I've only been married just shy of four years so I bet it's no different now. 

Just for kicks here are just a few that I put on myself: 

1. If I lose X lbs, then I will find a husband.

2. If I start better managing my money, then I will find a husband. 

3. If I start being more open to dating shorter men, then I will find my husband. 

4. If I straighten my hair more often, then I will find my husband. 

5. If I learn how to cook, then I will find a husband. 

NONE of these things are bad, and I am not trying to paint them out to be. Some of them can be very important. Honestly, I did start better managing my money before I met my husband. But is that the sole reason why we're married?? 

Ummm....no. 

We want so badly to be good enough and then we work so hard to be good enough. Then we start spreading this false news to others. Here's what I believe the Gospel means to singleness and marriage. 

Here's one thing we have to understand. Not everyone will marry. The good news is that if you have that deep desire to be married, chances are it's there for a reason, so exhale, no worries. 

The next thing is that we have to understand that we aren't perfect. I am not the perfect person for my husband. I am not, and I won't be. He's not the perfect person for me either, actually. [DISCLAIMER: We tell each other how perfect we are for each other, but it's only because we have a common understanding of this.] JESUS is. He's THE only one that can satisfy our needs and answer our questions and desires completely. It's good for us to remember that in singleness and in marriage. If we aren't careful we will allow messages from society to really infiltrate our thinking. If I am not careful, I will start looking for peace, comfort, and identity in my husband instead of in Christ. That's dangerous thinking folks. 

Marriage is a blessing among so many others. It's a gift of grace. It's not just a right per say. It's definitely not something we earn either. It's to be taken seriously and to be enjoyed thoroughly. It's not really something that I know how to describe, but this I know. Whatever ideas you have of marriage in your singleness, you carry into marriage. So if you want to work on something, work on that. Work on loving the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, and mind. Work on knowing Him above all else and above all others. Know that you aren't broken in comparison to a married woman. Know that you are not some second rate citizen or any less mature because of your marital status. Pray about searching out a nurturing community if you feel you are missing one. Work on finding and nurturing your hobbies. Read. Play. Travel. Work on depending on Christ for constant encouragement and identity because all of the flowers in all of the world can't give you as much as a word from God can. It's true ya'll. 

And if/when you find yourself married, appreciate your husband. Encourage him and be encouraged by him. Appreciate his love and give so much grace. Love. Respect. Nurture your marriage. Cherish your times together. And know, this is soo good. All of it is because He is. 

The Work of a Stay at Home Mom [Based on Katherine Leary Alsdorf's talk on Faith and Work: Living a Whole Life in Christ]

I have so much to tell you that I am going to jump right in.

Since I was gifted someone else's ticket for The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference I also had the privilege of going to the workshops that this guest had pre-chosen. The only exception was the 2nd workshop because the one that was pre-chosen was over booked. (And I herald this as a total God-thing because God knew the desires of my heart. He knew that I wanted to hear from Blair Linne's ministry, and of course, as God would have it. I was able to attend that workshop because the 2nd pre-chosen workshop was full. It's incredible. I know. If I hadn't lived it, I would probably be doubting the validity of those statements, but it's true. I promise. You'll have to trust me on this one.)

But I digress.

There was a workshop for Missional Moms, and you would think, that God in all of His all-knowing-ness would have it so that I would wind up in that workshop, right? Or maybe the workshop about teaching my children about Jesus. Either of these would have "made sense" for sure, but instead God would have it so that the first workshop chosen for me would be "Faith & Work: Living a Whole Life in Christ". 

Funny, right? I thought so, but I was so excited and so incredibly sure that I was there because that's where God put me. God opened my heart to what was being said, and allowed me to hear something that I want to share with you. 

I was going to share notes, but I really feel like what connects us is the real life aspect of our stories. So, here's my main story about the talk that pretty much changed how I view life and my work as a stay at home mom. 

I was sitting there excitedly (pretty much jumping out of my seat due to the diet coke that I had for lunch and of course the sheer excitement and shock that I was at the conference lol!) when a woman named Donna sat next to me and so kindly introduced herself. I was so thankful for Donna. She came across as everything that I wasn't: extroverted, confident, and friendly with ease. As somewhat of an introvert it's so hard for me to meet new people and even to know how to approach them, so this was such a breath of fresh air. I didn't have to stumble along because she was friendly when I didn't know how to be, so all I had to do was respond. She asked me what I did for a living. I told her I was a stay at home mom. The conversation fizzled a bit. It seemed to me like she didn't quite know what to say because my line of work was so different, so distant from the every day life of corporate work. She wasn't rude at all. Don't get me wrong. She was quite the opposite as I said before. Then she uttered the default words of most that truthfully make me cringe a little, "That's the hardest job!", she said in awe. I responded to her with a smile, knowing that she was paying me a compliment, but then I put my big girl pants on and shifted the conversation to her work, which was quite intriguing. 

One of the main themes in Katherine Leary Alsdorf's talk was that we see examples of the Gospel, real life parables if you will, in our every day work lives. God sets a purpose for us, our brokenness gets in the way, and then redemption takes place. It's the same picture of the creation of mankind and the world, the fall in the garden, and the redemption that we can experience through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. She spoke about how sometimes God uses our work to show us our brokenness. He uses it to show us how we miss the mark. He shows us deep rooted sins in our hearts that He wants to work out of us. 

It's no different than motherhood ya'll. I tell my husband this all the time. I tell him that I feel like God uses motherhood to show me what's wrong with me. He uses it to show me how selfish I am and what idols I have set up in my heart that I didn't even know were there. I want to use my time for me. That's my nature. That's our nature, but motherhood isn't a 9-5, If you are a working mother you know that a 9-5 doesn't shelter you from the work of motherhood either. Colds and teething happen whether or not you are on the clock, and whether or not you are checked in or out of your family's needs at that moment. Motherhood doesn't mature us. Motherhood shows us what's wrong with us. There's more to the story of course. God shows us glimpses of redemption by working in our hearts, changing us, maturing us for His glory. It's a work that goes so much deeper than any tip that any mommy blogger can give you. 

I want to encourage you to hug the cactus again. Hug it. It hurts. Our brokenness hurts. The fact that apart from God we can do nothing hurts. It doesn't just hurt. It gives us what we need to crucify our flesh and cling to the hope of grace that only Christ can bring. 

The world tells us that we have it going on. It tells us that we do the most significant work, the hardest work. It tells us that the Good News is us. The Good News is motherhood. And oh there are so many joys in motherhood, but if it ends there we find ourselves without need of a Savior. And we already know that just isn't true. 

The challenge for us is hard ya'll because the work IS hard. We do vital work in our families and homes. We do, but it doesn't change the fact that we are broken. We contend with our sinful nature, and what we want to do we don't do and we do the things that we don't want to do. We grow, but we fall. It's a constant battle, right? It is. I know it is.

So the next time you are praised as a mom, smile, say thanks, and be gracious. But when you come before The Lord acknowledge your sin, acknowledge your brokenness. 

We can't get to redemption if we first don't acknowledge our brokenness. And when we acknowledge it we begin to see, that we aren't so different after all. We are all broken and in need of a Savior from SAHM to FLOTUS. 

“There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, Mine!” 
― Abraham Kuyper

Gospel Coalition Women's Conference: Maybe if I start writing, the words will come

I'm here.

I am actually here. About a couple of months ago or so I learned about this conference. I so desperately wanted to be here, but there was no doubt in my mind that we couldn't afford it. The conference itself was $200, and then there's the fact that the conference is 2 nights....and oh yea, food. Our bodies pretty much depend on it. There was just no way that we could afford it. It wasn't going to happen, and by all logic it shouldn't have happened.

I was determined that I was going to try to make it happened. My intentions were good. I wanted to show that with some hard work and perseverance it would be possible. I wanted to prove it to myself and to others, especially a young lady that I had just encouraged to put herself out there.  So armed with all of this pride, I turned to a T-shirt campaign.

Don't get me wrong. Do not allow the enemy to whisper all kinds of deceitful words to you. T-shirt campaigns are not bad or signs of lack of faith. Remember always, it's a heart thing. My heart was puffed up. That had nothing to do with t-shirts.

It took one night for this t-shirt campaign to break me. I was promoting, planning, and doing all kinds of things in my own strength. And I broke. I listened to that still and subtle voice of the Lord speaking to me. I walked away. I mourned it for a little while, but then decided to take heart and be so present and so content in what God had in front of me right there.

We were going to see The Roots in concert with amazing friends. My husband's birthday was coming up. We had just celebrated my son's first birthday. I was going to a women's conference at my church, and I had been asked to be a part of that. It was an amazing time, and my discontentment was robbing me from enjoying that moment and listening to what God had for me there.

Shortly thereafter I forgot about he conference altogether until the day before the conference. Thanks to Facebook's creepy ways, I saw that a friend of mine had posted on someone else's page about a friend of their's that was coming to the conference. Got that? It was weird. I know. LOL! I wasn't stalking her, but it showed up in my newsfeed. All the feelings about wanting to come to the conference came back.

I'm pretty whimsical. I admit so on any given day, there's a lot of things that I want. This wasn't one of those things. This was something that I deeply desired, and my heart ached a little that I couldn't attend. I went to the event page and saw that tickets were still available, but nothing had changed in our financial situation. There was no way I could go.

Making the best of the situation, I downloaded the app and decided to enjoy as much of the livestream as I could. I took four pages of notes from one of the sessions that I saw online while Erick slept. Mind you, this session didn't happen during his normal nap time. Someway. Somehow. Erick hadn't napped normally so he wound up sleeping again at just the time that the session came on. I could go on. I could tell you about how I didn't think I would have time to finish doing some things around the house before the conference, but somehow I did. Pay attention to the small stuff guys. These aren't flukes. God's hand was at work already.

Last night my little family and I enjoyed a movie and sushi while the second main session went on. It was okay. My heart was at rest knowing that I was exactly where I needed to be. I enjoyed every single moment. Then later last night, that sadness came back. I was tempted to get upset with God.

"God, why did you even have to remind of this conference?! I was perfectly okay not knowing it was this weekend. I had forgotten about it."

I gave God those thoughts as well, and decided to be content in whatever the circumstances. I know even though I didn't say much about it to my husband he was sad knowing that I wanted to be here and he couldn't afford to send me. I didn't want to hurt him or ruin our weekend, and even though no one else would know if I harbored discontentment. God would.

So I let it go. Again. Completely. By the grace of God alone.

I joked about being a conference crasher and simply hanging out at the hotel in hopes of hearing something behind those closed doors and simply being in the environment. My husband and I laughed. You know me and my odd sense of humor. I didn't stop there. I posted something to that effect as a status update on the event app. Soon after I fell asleep.

I woke up this morning to a lot of notifications on my screen. One of them was a message from a woman who had seen my status update. A woman from their church group was unable to attend the conference and the ticket was mine if I wanted. What?! I couldn't believe my eyes. I really couldn't.

It was crazy how everything else came together, and trust me when I say that a lot had to come together. Yet it did. My husband is at home enjoying some alone time. My son is at his Grandmama's house enjoy some family time. And I am here ya'll.

I am here. I am sitting at a little table in the corner of one of the main walkways. I just finished my turkey wrap and fruit salad, and I am sipping on my diet coke. As I watch woman after woman walking by. I am so utterly happy that I could be here to receive whatever it is that God wants me to receive.

My sessions are the sessions that were pre-chosen, so I didn't really have much hope of seeing Blair Linne after all, and that was okay with me. I am here.

But that wasn't enough for God. He wanted to give me more.

The second workshop is too full of people so I am welcome to go wherever I want to go for that session. And well, that just so happens to be the round of workshops where Blair Linne will be speaking and fortunately it isn't her session that is completely full.

I can't help, but be so utterly overwhelmed by God's goodness to me in all of this.

The thing to remember is that it's not about me. Yes, He is my Father and He loves me dearly. He loves you. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Every. Single. One.

So that's why I am here on my Chromebook. I'm bringing you what I got. I'll post as much as I can live on Instagram and Facebook. During breaks, I will bring you posts as much as I can here on the blog.

This is a conference for women not about women. It's about the Gospel. Stay tuned folks. The Gospel always changes lives. Who's with me???

RIP Maya Angelou

(Photo credit)

What ASL Taught Me About The Gospel

There I was at the concert of one of my favorite bands, but my eyes were glued on her for a big chunk of the time.

She was dressed in all black and though standing on a platform she was still lower than the main stage.

The Roots played, sang, rapped, and simply did what what they do. (which is amazing. AH-MAZING!)

She bobbed her head and was so into the music, but to some she was the only music they would hear that night.

She was the ASL interpreter, and she didn't miss a beat.

I couldn't help but to think to myself, "Man, I want to be like her!!!!!"

I didn't even know that concerts had ASL interpreters. My mind was blown ya'll. That was two days ago, and I am just getting over it. (Don't judge me. lol!)

Yes, I convinced myself that I should learn sign language, but I still won't be like her. I just won't. She was not only having fun, but to me she was such an accurate portrayal of the artistry that she was interpreting. Music is more than words. A song is more than a beat.

That was the something about her that captivated even those of us who could hear with our ears.

The Gospel is more than a song.
It's the beat of our lives as Christians.
It's the rhythm of grace with lyrics of truth. And the world can not hear it.
Oh but it's good!!! It's so good! The Roots as brilliant as they are (and man, oh man, are they brilliant) pale in comparison to the goodness of the Gospel.

It's our job as interpreters to share the Gospel so others may have a chance to hear.

There were two ASL interpreters at the concert that night. Both did their job, but one was captivating to me. She appealed to me because of her passion, personality, and enthusiasm. Yet neither failed.

So the overall lesson here, in context with the Gospel, is however you do it, just do it. 

This Gospel is too good ya'll, for anyone to miss the opportunity to hear it. But do it justice, do it kindly, respectfully, and if ever rejected, shake the dust off your feet, and keep moving. Let's do our part, and allow God to do His.

The specific lesson to me was one of grace. I probably won't sound or look like you when I do it; and you probably won't look or sound like me when you do either. You might use scripts. That's cool for some, but to be honest, I have a hard time with those. I blog and post statuses. You might be one who doesn't enjoy utilizing social media. All of that is cool.

Either way, my prayer is that the Gospel would be so embedded in us and woven into the fabric of our lives, that regardless of whether in church, on the streets with evangelism props, or if you happen to be sitting at a bar sipping a drink (Yes, an alcoholic one.) Jesus would be glorified and The Gospel preached.

[Disclaimer: That's me though. It doesn't matter whether you take a sip or don't. If you don't, please don't take this as a suggestion to do so. And if you do, assuming you are over the age limit of 21, let's agree not to get drunk. You can't bear the fruit of self control while being drunk. And for God's sake (quite literally), stay away from the stuff if you can't quite figure out your limits.]

The fact of the matter is that you have to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. The truth is that we have a job to do. Let's just do it. Let's not waste time judging one's life or glorifying our own. (aka ministry. We all have one.) Let's just keep encouraging one another to do this thing and to keep going strong. We are all one body. The people that God will have you to reach will be different from the ones that God will use me to reach. It's how this thing works, and it's awesome.

Both interpreters were useful that night.

You are important. I am important, but the show will go on without either of us.

Let's get to work.

"...Every time one of them opens his mouth, Christ is proclaimed, so I just cheer them on! " Philippians 1:18

Lord, use us, but let our motives be true and our hearts right before you.

Not a Luxury.

Every once in a while, I see a post from the Jesus Calling devotional in my Facebook news feed. Usually when I do, it's a post that I really need at that time.

The post I saw yesterday was no exception. My main take away was that time alone with Jesus, in His Word, is not a luxury. 

God used this post to show me that I like to treat spending time with the Lord as a luxury. I love it when I wake up hours before my son and have that time to sit in a quiet house. I love to carefully clear my mind, disregard my schedule, and sit before the Lord for however long I can. I love to chew on scripture as I gently sip on my smoothie or protein shake. 

And that's cool. 

The problem is that sometimes, I am exhausted and I don't quite get up early enough. Sometimes I don't have quiet time alone, and sometimes I forfeit my smoothie to grab a handful of chips on my way off to an errand. This isn't to complain or to even say that any of this is wrong.

It's just that I tend to believe that if I don't have those luxurious moments alone, then I don't have time to spend with the Lord. I start seeking this elusive time alone in the house where everything is perfect that I forget to seek the Lord while in the thick of it. Ironically, that's usually when I need Him the most.

The enemy would have it no other way. The enemy wants me to get flustered and distracted; unplugged from my life source.

Time with the Lord is not a luxury, but it's a necessity.

He is my strength. 

He is my life. 

He is my direction. 

He is my salvation. 

So this morning, when I overslept again (this time because I failed to put on my alarm. lesson learned.)  I took a few moments while cuddling with my boy to pull out my devotional. As I served my son breakfast, I prayed. I didn't do it do get it done. I didn't do it to check off something on a spiritual checklist. I did it because I know I need the Lord. I did it to seek His face and set my eyes on Him. For everything else, I'll trust Him. 

Intimacy with our Lord and Savior is not a luxury friends, we need Him. 

 Psalm 91 

1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High 
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 
2 This I declare about the Lord: 
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; 
he is my God, and I trust him. 
3 For he will rescue you from every trap 
and protect you from deadly disease. 
4 He will cover you with his feathers. 
He will shelter you with his wings. 
His faithful promises are your armor and protection. 
5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, 
nor the arrow that flies in the day. 
6 Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, 
nor the disaster that strikes at midday. 
7 Though a thousand fall at your side, 
though ten thousand are dying around you, 
these evils will not touch you. 

No Women ('s Conference). No cry.

About a week ago, I learned about an upcoming conference in Orlando that seems absolutely amazing to attend. I want (ed) to go. It's an expensive conference in relation to our income and expenses. If I had found out about it much sooner, I may have been able to find a way to save for it. 

Maybe. 

I wouldn't know for sure though because I didn't. 

Anyhow, 

I got all gung-ho about creating a last ditch effort. I'm a natural dreamer, and I put myself out there to see what would happen. 

So, I started a booster campaign. 

Let's rewind a bit, I stayed up very late one night when I was already quite sleep deprived to start a booster campaign. Then exhausted as I was, and though there were other things going on in my personal life, I proceeded to work my butt off while trying so hard to do this project "just in case it might work". 

That's when it dawned on me. 

I don't have enough space in my life right now to throw myself into projects that aren't designed for me. I just don't. Don't get me wrong. I can do more than my exhaustion often tells me to do, but I can do not one more thing than what God has given me the strength to do. I just can't. 

So, my booster campaign is going bye-bye along with my hopes to get to the conference this year. I'll research next year's conference, and try to attend that one if I can. For now, I have much to do and enjoy, to spin my wheels mercilessly on things that aren't for me. 

Time to focus my works on the things that God has predestined for me to do, through His sweet grace of course. He'll make a way for me there. 

He already has. 

In the words of the late Bob Marley,

"Everything's gonna be all right!

Everything's gonna be all right!
Everything's gonna be all right, yeah!
Everything's gonna be all right!
Everything's gonna be all right-a!
Everything's gonna be all right!
Everything's gonna be all right, yeah!
Everything's gonna be all right!"

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. 

I likey.

There's something about being a (semi) new mom and thirty something years old that has sent this mama into a bit of an identity crisis.

I am a quirky chick, and I have always been despite my bestest efforts. Let me explain. I am a stay at home mom, so quickly I studied that role. What does a stay at home mom wear? do? How does she talk about motherhood? How does she deal with rainy days and cooking dinner? And then I set out to imitate it.

Don't get me wrong. It's always good to find tips that are relevant to something new, but I was searching for more than tips. I was searching for identity and a means to fit in.

Yup, at thirty-something.

Then about a week ago, I went to a Christian Spoken Word event, and I was all like, "Yeaaaaaaa, THIS is me." Because it was. I was the woman plotting and planning Christian Spoken Word and Hip Hop events, along with drama, missions, and other stuff. It's the stuff that kept me up all night long, but oh-so happy and satisfied. I don't know about ya'll, but there's this assurance and joy that I feel when I know that I am being used of God in carrying out a certain plan or project that just makes me feel so alive.

So, I came home invigorated and reminded of some of the passions and giftings that God has equipped me with that I have been ignoring for the sake of trying to fit into a mold that I was never meant to fit into.

Then I settled into bitterness and frustration. If THAT was me, then my life here certainly wasn't. Instead of staying up until 3am planning things and rehearsing lines, I have other God projects to do like taking care of my teething son (Molars. Need I say more?!)

Here's the thing.

There's still so much assurance and joy in being used of God, even if it is in a different way than before, because our God is indeed the same yesterday, today, and forever. But the yuckyness and frustration comes when I start comparing God's plan for me to God's plan for someone else or even to my plan for myself. His way is higher. His plan IS better, but it's always going to demand patience and faith. Think about Abraham and Sarah in the Bible. He has also given us promises to assure our anxious hearts. The desires He has placed in us, He will fulfill.

He will. There's no doubt about it.

So, my job is to stay the course and be faithful in my relationship with Jesus Christ along with what He has called me to do, right now.

Have ya'll seen Runaway Bride?

Do you know that scene of the movie where Julia Roberts' character realizes that she doesn't even know what type of eggs she likes because it changes depending on what type of eggs her fiance at the time likes? When she finally decides to stay single for awhile, she invests time figuring out what type of eggs she likes. She starts reigning in her passion and honing her skills accordingly.

That's me.

That's the season where God has me.

Last weekend, I also did a little shopping. Needing some shoes I entered into the shoe store and tried on a whole bunch of shoes. Some I tried on because "I used to love to where those type of shoes" and some because "Those are great shoes for a stay at home mom". However, I left with nothing, and I am proud of that. There was not one pair of shoes that I could say that I actually liked. Then we went to another store, and a hot little number caught my eye. It wasn't really anything that I would have gravitated to in the past, and it was different from what I wear now. But I liked it.

I tried it on and the fit was fabulous. I know that it's not an outfit that makes me beautiful, but I felt beautiful in it. It accentuated all of my assets. It didn't cover my problem areas in shame, but somehow it flattered those areas too. And the color. The color was bright, but surprisingly spectacular. I definitely left the store with it. Yes, it was different, but that's not why I chose it.

It fit me in more ways than one.

"I likey," I thought to myself.

There's hope for me yet.

Thunder Struck. The Power Went Out.

Yesterday was one of those days that was just plain weird for me. The little one had chewed on my cell phone and in my husband's words, my phone was "spitting out z's" anytime I tried to type or dial anything. My wifi was acting spotty. And as if I wasn't already knee deep back in the technology of the 80's, the little one also got a hold of our remote, and therefore I couldn't effortlessly flip through the thousands of cable channels to find something to watch.  (Don't judge my parenting skills, okay? Those molars are coming in, and it's cuh-razy around these parts right now, but I digress.)

Deep down inside I knew. God was wanting some alone time with me, and I was running away from it. 

I proceeded through my day, and right as dinner had finished cooking; thunder struck. The power went out. 

The little one wasn't scared, but I began to bustle around. 

I needed to know if there were any severe weather alerts out, but my wonky cell phone now had a dead battery so there was nothing I could even attempt to do. 

We managed to get through it. I won't bother you with the play-by-play because it's irrelevant. 

This is what I really want you to know. As the little one was going off to sleep in daddy's arms; I did what I should have done hours before. 

I surrendered. 

I spent some time in prayer before the Lord. It wasn't a rushed and half-hearted prayer. It was a this-is-what-is-going-on-at-this-very-moment-and-I-am-not-doing-another-thing-before-I-submit-my-good-bad-and-ugly-before-you type of prayer. So, yeah, it wasn't very eloquent, but it was me; and therefore it was beautiful to my Father. I read and chewed on The Word of God, allowing it to challenge me and change me like it longs to do. 

I had been so worried with all that I needed to get done, wanted to do, and with bashing myself over things that I failed to get done that I forgot about staying plugged into my life source, Jesus Christ. He desires a relationship with us, and He is not intimidated by our messes. He loves us like no other, forgives us, and yes; He will even use thunder to get our attention. 

It's wooing at it's best. 

Viral Videos and Vulnerability.

I just shed a couple of tears because I gave into a viral video, and it got me. The video was a staged interview for the "world's toughest job". The job title called for being on one's feet 24/7. It described no lunch breaks, working holidays, and zero salary. It took me about 30 seconds to figure out that they were talking about motherhood. At the end of the video, the candidates for the position were told that this was a fake interview and that the job position was motherhood. All of the candidates proceeded to thank their mothers for all of their hard work. Of course, these thank you's weren't gifts as much as they were products of manipulation. These candidates had just been guilted into a thank you. Nevertheless, it moved me to tears.

I soaked in every bit of it. Heck, I am a mom. I get tired (and hormonal). So I soaked it up, as I sat on leather couch with my feet propped up as my belly was busy digesting the yummy Chikfila salad that I had just devoured. 

That's when it dawned on me. This is how I feel about my work from time to time, but it's simply not reality.

I do get to sit down from time to time. The work is hard and the hours are long, but sometimes I don't rest when I should (or nourish my body properly to give it the fuel it needs) and that makes my work all but manageable. Some days, I am the queen of busy work. Must do the dishes, laundry, clean closets, scrub the bathrooms, grocery shop, cook dinner, and more in one day...no, that's not good enough; in one afternoon. I must do it now. Now. NOW. Yea, some days are legitimately harder than others, but if I am honest my pride gets to me.

My pride eggs me on saying, "I'm a mom. I'm supposed to work endlessly. I have the world's toughest job. If I don't burn myself out, I'm not doing it right."

False. Lies. Big ones. 

As a mom, sometimes I worship motherhood. And she is a slave driver at best. 

I love this talk from Brene Brown about vulnerability and being okay with being imperfect. She talks about vulnerability being neither exhilarating or excruciating; but being necessary. 

This is good. So good. 

So you know what, I don't regret those tears that I shed in watching this ad (yup, this viral video turned out to be an ad. Go figure). These tears were indicators, indicators that I'm a little tired this week. Fortunately, I already knew that which was why I was resting like I was with my feet propped up as my belly was busy digesting the yummy Chikfila salad that I had just devoured. (Go me for resting!!)

It's okay not to do it all, and it's okay to be tired even if you aren't doing "everything", whether you are a mom or not. 

There's no need to try to justify your feelings or stress. We all struggle with something. There is a place for struggle in life. Consider it pure joy when you go through trials of many kinds. Embrace it. 

Let's live wholehearted. 

I strongly encourage you to listen to Brene Brown's talk in the video below. It's about 20 minutes long, but so so good in the context of this issue. 

To-do Lists and Losing Control

It was a transitional time for us because we were moving from the basics of responsibility to taking on more responsibilities and discovering new opportunities. As every new parent knows, new family life is kind of like a game of Jenga. All it takes is for one false move or one misplaced breath to make the whole kitten caboodle fall down in disaster. Can I get an amen?

So I told my husband that I needed a couple of hours one morning to get alone and do some planning and praying in regards to managing our home in anticipation for this time of transition.

I sat in the library and I read this verse,

"His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. " 2 Peter 1:3

Oh and I thought about it, and thought about it some more until I believed it wholeheartedly. God has given me everything we need for life and godliness. And then the Lord spoke to my heart about the why. Yes, I wanted and needed to do things a bit more efficiently in the home, but it wasn't so I could feel accomplished. It wasn't so we could do our own thing with the margin that I was seeking to create in our lives. The purpose was to have space in our lives for the other opportunities God had given us and to have the freedom to be more intentional in our relationships with one another and with others.

I prayed to the Lord, and I left the libray with clear direction for that season in our lives. I had pages of notes. I had schedules. I had routines. It was lovely.

The weeks passed, and everything has truly fallen into place. The temptation sets in to put my faith in my schedules and routines. The desire to control my environment sets in. But that's not how the story goes.

In Christ, we keep going on onward, trusting in Him for guidance. He offers it to us in so many ways. There's no one way to catch it outside of just staying close to Him. His sheep know His voice. He is not the author of confusion. He allows us to see clearly what He wants us to see and when He wants us to see it. Sometimes it takes waiting on the Lord quietly and still. Sometimes it takes waiting on the Lord as we walk out in faith as we continue to do the things that we know for sure that He has called us to do, and in time Jesus reveals that next step.

Whatever the case, I ask Him daily....sometimes several times daily, because I tend to get unfocused.

Lord, help me to be faithful to the work you have for me today; but that comes secondary to just being with Him bringing Him my struggles and listening to His Word for life and strength.

At the end of the day, in housekeeping and in life.

"Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain." Psalm 127:1

"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1

May we work according to the plans and purpose of our Master Builder. May we not tear down. May we not work for the sake of keeping busy. Lord have your way in us.

Brokenness Aside

'Cause I am a sinner
 If it's not one thing it's another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
You are a Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

- lyrics from Brokenness Aside by All Sons and Daughters

A Prayer on Good Friday.

Lord Jesus,

Thank you. You didn't have to do it, but you did. It cost you your life. It was the reason that you, being 100% God and simultaneously 100% man, walked this earth. Like us. Being one of us, but with divine glory.

You took on the cost of my sin. You took on the cost of the burden, the burden of trying to live according to a law that already had doomed me to destruction.

You took my filthy bag of self-righteousness and delivered onto me a righteousness from heaven.

You died, so that I might live. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Father.

Lord, I pray that you would help me to live in that moment. In the moment of recognition that I could never earn your love. I could never be good enough. And thanks to your sacrifice, I never have to try to.

You are God alone who extends grace alone to a sinner, like me, lonely in my mess.

I could imagine how I would feel being around in the days where you gave your life on Calvary. Having every promise that you would rise, you died. You didn't just die, but it was a crucifixion that should have been mine. I am the adulteress woman for in my heart I have lusted. I am the murderer for in my heart I have hated. It was my price to pay, but you covered it in full. I think I would have been sad Lord, to see you in the manner of which you gave your life. I would have felt guilty, but for that reason too, you died, to free us from condemnation.

Thank you Lord. Thank you.

Lord, I know that you rose again on the third day and that gives this whole thing meaning, but at this very moment I want to take a second to remember the sacrifice that changed everything.

Help me to know that this grace you provide is lavish and consuming. Oh it overwhelms me at times, but the truth is you don't need my help. My help only weakens the gift that you give.

So I'll make no empty promises to you my Lord, I just want to say thank you. I just want to know you, more and more, to live in this love that you have shown, by dying on a tree.

Lord, you did it just for me.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Throwout Thursday

It was 2-3 months ago when I ran across a webcast for a Barna Group event called Frames Live. You can find info about it here.

Looking back, this webcast was kind of a turning point for me in some ways. I am a stay at home mom. My days are filled with mundane yet necessary details. I am not referring to my son or husband. They are the highlights of my days, for sure. I'm talking about the small stuff that keeps the necessary things in life going smoothly. 

Like laundry days, wiping down counter tops, scrubbing bathrooms, and killing ants. It's not a glamorous job, but someone has to do it. I am thankful that this someone is indeed me. 

But on this day, I was reminded that this stuff is good, but there's also other goods in my heart and life. It reminded me of why what happens inside these walls is important to what happens outside of these walls and etc. It reminded me that there is more to life than our usual routines. 

I was challenged to rethink how I use my time. It was a lovely thing. 

Then along came this character named, Bob Goff. I use the word "character" in the most friendliest and respectful of intentions. Bob Goff is a best selling author, lawyer, professor, and  founder of Restore International (a non-profit organization which was established to address injustice against children. He made me laugh. Yet I wasn't laughing at him. I was laughing with him and his incredulous invitation to live life ti the fullest in Christ. He also said that on Thursdays, he quits something. He explained further by saying it's not bad things that he quits. He quits good things. And he does this to make space in his life for people, to love them, really love them. He said that he wants to be available for people. When people call, he answers. 

This was cah-razy talk to me. I am a stay at home mom, but even then I am usually not available to anyone outside of my household in such a way. 

But then I decided to try it. I didn't really have much to choose from because at that time I wasn't really involved in anything. Therefore, I decided to quit the Facebook app on my phone and Instagram notifications. 

It wasn't the best idea. I post pics of my son on my personal Facebook page for my out of town family (and all of our family lives out of town) and close friends to see. I couldn't do that anymore. So, on Friday I rejoined the world of Facebook mobile. But I did stop getting notifications on my phone. 

It was kinda lonely on the first day or  two, but after that it was...magical? Okay, okay, maybe not magical, but it has been great for me. I still haven't reactived receiving those notifications, and I don't see myself changing that anytime soon, if ever. For once, I was able to get a grip of my time not for the sake of making myself less available but to become available. I needed to manage my time to more efficiently finish the mundane and necessary tasks so I could move on to the other stuff that was just as necessary...like loving people and doing whatever else God led me to do. 

When the next Thursday came along, I had nothing else to quit really. So instead I finally started cleaning out some of the unnecessary things that we have in our home that is causing clutter in more ways than one. We have stacks of clutter that moved into this home before I even did that are still there. Oh they have been moved around the house a bit, but they serve no purpose. Thursdays are the perfect day to get rid of them bit by bit, slowly but surely. I often say that Goodwill either loves me on Thursdays or hates me because I have been there probably eight times in the last 10 weeks or so.

Oh yea, it's that serious. 

I'm kinda hooked.

Our home is getting uncluttered and it's all going to a great cause. What I couldn't do in 3 years is happening every week. We are starting to see real progress in our home. 

Quit Something Thursdays. 

Throwout Thursdays. 

One of those or none of those will work out for you. I'm just sharing my story. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you have a routine way of clearing out clutter in your life?

And here's a little Bob Goff for ya.

Abiding and Camping

I love to camp.

I've never been camping, but I imagine I would probably be okay at it. Scratch that. I don't like bugs.

Somehow I find myself camping all of the time.

When God reveals something to me about a situation. I camp there.

I'm not talking about pitching moveable tents. I move in the family and start building house there.

What was an eye opening revelation, I turn into a set of rules.

If God allows for something incredible to happen while I am wearing a green shirt, then you better believe that I will try to buy out the store of all of the green shirts they have on their shelves. Who cares if I bankrupt our bank account in the process? God will provide!!

Oh vey.

There's that part of me that wants to have this thing called life "under control", and if I can have that sense of control under the guise of faith then I feel like I have all of my bases covered.

In all fairness, my intentions are good.

But that only goes so far. Our righteousness is like filthy rags, no matter how you much you Febreze them.

So what I am learning is to abide in the Lord and allow Him to lead bit by bit, step by step. My camping only leads to rule setting and then rule setting leads to carrying around burdens that I wasn't meant to carry. So then I get tired, so tired that I want to give up; so tired that I blame The One who offers an invitation to life abundant and everlasting.

It's a free life, the one who abides in the Life Giver.

Our Lord God is faithful to guide our steps; and He's nothing like the control freak that I tend to be.

His love is perfect.

The Tired One.

Lately, these two verses have been coming to mind when I am tired. It's not an intentional thing. They just come to mind. It's a God thing. 

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 NIV

"Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God..." Psalm 46:10 AMP 

These verses put me in my place. I am the tired one. I am not the one that can control my situation. I can try, but recognizing that immediately frees me to receive God's immediate help. I am the tired one. He is the faithful one. He is the one who brings strength. If He tells me to rest, I can trust that. If He tells me to finish my task, I can trust that.

He gives us rest.

And some times you just have to talk to yourself, encourage yourself and say, "Let be and be still. Know that He is God. Come to Him. You are weary and burdened; tired and afraid; weak and worrisome; but He will give you rest."

You can trust that.

Not a Book Review: Love Does By Bob Goff

I once did a review for a legit entertainment company. True story.

I was in my early 20's and I stumbled upon their website, got in contact with the owner, and even flew into Jacksonville to attend one of their events. Trust me when I say that it went just like that, but it still wasn't as glamorous as it sounds.

I was a fly on the wall at the event. True to self, I tend to be shy when speaking to people one on one. The owner didn't even know that I was there until after the fact.

It happened though. They sent me an audio file for an up and coming artist and it was my task to review their music.

I was horrible at it, and I mean horrible.

What should have been an honest and factual review with a few feel goods sprinkled in sounded like a middle school love poem gone bad, way bad. I tried so hard to sound smart that I babbled on like an idiot using descriptive phrases that are best left unused.

I am older now though, so I know better. No more reviews for me. I'm no writer really. I am wired as a speaker. In front of many with a mic and stage, I tremble in my boots but somehow God uses that. This blog isn't a work of literature. It's me on a blank stage, speaking and hoping that God will use it.

This is Not a Book Review on Loves Does By Bob Goff. It's just me talking about why I liked it, sharing a couple memorable quotes, and giving you a link to find it for yourself.

So here we go.

Do you remember those Chicken Soup for the Soul books? I described this book to my husband as Red Bull for the soul. That's pretty much how it felt for me. I liked it because it was real, simple, yet incredibly impactful. Each chapter is a story, a true story, from the life of Bob Goff or about someone that he's close enough to write about. Using those stories, Bob describes what he once thought about God or living for God and what he has now learned to be true. I'm not sure if I explained that correctly so I will give you an example.

Chapter 5: The Rearview Mirror
I used to think I could shape the circumstances around me, but now I know Jesus uses circumstances to shape me.

One of the things that I love about Bob is that he doesn't preach to you. He's not who you are going to go to if you are looking for some good 'ole exegesis. He's one you are going to want to go to for Godly wisdom for the stuff that everyday life is made up of. Our ministry is our life. Our life is indeed our ministry. We like to compartmentalize stuff, but that's just not how it goes. Who I am called to be, is who I am called to be period. And they will know we are Christians by our love, so there's that too.

I loved every single story that I read in this book, and after reading each one I had to stop to process. I wanted to read on quickly like I usually do when reading books. But this time it was different. There were no throwaway moments in this book, and I knew if I didn't take the time to soak up that chapter I would lose it because the next chapter would be filled with another life changing truth.

This isn't a book review, but if it was I would totally recommend this book.

Now for some quotes:

"I once heard somebody say that God had closed a door on an opportunity they had hoped for. But I've always wondered if, when we want to do something that we know is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him. Maybe there are times when we think a door has been closed and, instead of misinterpreting the circumstances. God wants us to kick it down. Or perhaps just sit outside of it long enough until somebody tells us we can come in."

"Jesus hardly talked to anyone about what He'd done. The Bible never depicts one of those end-of-camp slideshows where Jesus goes over all He had done with His disciples. Instead, Jesus modeled that we don't need to talk about everything we've done."

The quotes alone mean little in comparison with reading them in context with the stories. This has been such a game changer for me. I hope to read it again very, very soon.

If you want to check it out, you can buy here.

 

 

Words with Friends.

I talk a lot. 

I was thinking about this today as I met with some sisters for breakfast. I just had to get out my silly story about how I thought a beer had upset my stomach when it was really the stomach flu. It really didn't matter that I mentioned it. We're friends and sisters in the Lord, no judgment included, so it was cool. 

The thing was that I was so excited to share that (Let's chalk it up to not being around too many adults during the week.) that I wasn't really listening as much as I could have to the story that someone was sharing because it reminded me of my story and I got excited about sharing it. 

That happens to me a lot. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not getting all woe-is-me about it. It's just something that God is allowing me to see so I think He is bringing this to my attention for a reason. 

Words are getting my attention. My words. 

With our words we can tear down or build up. We can build cages of judgment with them or we can be inclusive and life giving. We can serve others with our words or we can serve ourselves. 

The most excellent way to use my words is to love others. It's also the hardest at times. 

But here's the thing, love isn't is a script that we rehearse. Love comes from our hearts and our lips echo it's sentiments. 

I think that's why it can be so tricky. There's not really a 3-step rule for me to memorize and practice or an answer book that I can grade my responses against. We like to think so, but that's not the case. It's a heart thing. 

So here's my plan. I'm going to surrender to God. Allow Him to show me my faults through His Word. Only His Word can tear down my weaknesses while giving me strength. Only He can see past my words into my heart. 

So in case you haven't noticed, the beer story was not really a big deal; but it was pretty cool how God used such an otherwise insignificant moment to show me something much more important. 

Not one moment is lost in the Lord. He has the marvelous ability to make ALL things work together for the good of those who love God and who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

That's us, brothers and sisters in the Lord. Be encouraged. 

I want to start something.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of all of the articles telling me that wiping my boy's nose is the only good thing that I should embrace. I am. I don't need to defend the greatness of every little moment with my sweet boy and family. I know it, and I know it well. I wouldn't trade those moments for the world.

I am tired of people trying so hard to make sure that those with the "thankless" and more background type gifts feel special that those with the not-so-quiet abilities feel shamed. Neither person is more qualified or useful in the kingdom of God, so why do we feel like we have to pick one?

I am tired of ranting... like I am doing now. 

I want to start something. 

I want to do something. 

I want to see women encouraged in their homes to manage it well, knowing, that yes, this pleases the Lord; but it's us making it more difficult than it's meant to be by adding so many rules and such. 

We don't have to have the house with all of the newest things. We don't have to have the most decorated of homes. Not every moment in our day can and should be Instagram worthy, and it's okay for us to look a little homely every now and again. 

So maybe this is a call to get over ourselves. WifeMom, I'm looking at us. Yes, we are important. Yes, our homes pretty much revolve around us. Our job in the home is vital. But in these cases, our job in the home is one of two. Actually, it's one of three. Ultimately, it is the Lord who keeps us all. Only He can protect us to the level that we think we can our children. 

Have you read the Great Commission lately?

It was spoken to women (even mothers, GASP!) as much as it was spoken to everyone else. We can't make a difference in our world if we are too busy shushing the calling of God in our lives out of shame that it makes us less than a good mom. 

Don't shush those Godly desires for the sake of trying to keep up with dozens of household ideas and plans. I'm talking about the extra ones that we add to try to make ourselves look and feel good but only seem to burn us out. I have done it a lot so I know what I am talking about firsthand.

I'm talking to me too. 

This post is in reference to letting go of those things that become an unnecessary burden. I  have tried cloth diapers, and lots of other stuff. Making plans and executing ideas comes with the manager job title. It's good for us to try to be efficient in our homes. Some of these things worked for us for a time, some are still working for us, and some of them didn't work for us at all; but it's all part of the process.

I want to see women encouraged to listen to God and allow Him to direct their paths and to free themselves to follow it wherever that might lead. 

I am not speaking against stay at home mom-ness and telling everyone to go out and run the world like Beyonce because we are women hear us roar. My point is that only God knows those sweet plans that He has for us. Seek Him. Follow Him. Let Him lead. Listen closely to those Godly desires that He has placed in you. Don't shush them. 

I still want to start something.

But for now, welcome to the blog.

I'll try to keep the rants to a minimum.