Viral Videos and Vulnerability.

I just shed a couple of tears because I gave into a viral video, and it got me. The video was a staged interview for the "world's toughest job". The job title called for being on one's feet 24/7. It described no lunch breaks, working holidays, and zero salary. It took me about 30 seconds to figure out that they were talking about motherhood. At the end of the video, the candidates for the position were told that this was a fake interview and that the job position was motherhood. All of the candidates proceeded to thank their mothers for all of their hard work. Of course, these thank you's weren't gifts as much as they were products of manipulation. These candidates had just been guilted into a thank you. Nevertheless, it moved me to tears.

I soaked in every bit of it. Heck, I am a mom. I get tired (and hormonal). So I soaked it up, as I sat on leather couch with my feet propped up as my belly was busy digesting the yummy Chikfila salad that I had just devoured. 

That's when it dawned on me. This is how I feel about my work from time to time, but it's simply not reality.

I do get to sit down from time to time. The work is hard and the hours are long, but sometimes I don't rest when I should (or nourish my body properly to give it the fuel it needs) and that makes my work all but manageable. Some days, I am the queen of busy work. Must do the dishes, laundry, clean closets, scrub the bathrooms, grocery shop, cook dinner, and more in one day...no, that's not good enough; in one afternoon. I must do it now. Now. NOW. Yea, some days are legitimately harder than others, but if I am honest my pride gets to me.

My pride eggs me on saying, "I'm a mom. I'm supposed to work endlessly. I have the world's toughest job. If I don't burn myself out, I'm not doing it right."

False. Lies. Big ones. 

As a mom, sometimes I worship motherhood. And she is a slave driver at best. 

I love this talk from Brene Brown about vulnerability and being okay with being imperfect. She talks about vulnerability being neither exhilarating or excruciating; but being necessary. 

This is good. So good. 

So you know what, I don't regret those tears that I shed in watching this ad (yup, this viral video turned out to be an ad. Go figure). These tears were indicators, indicators that I'm a little tired this week. Fortunately, I already knew that which was why I was resting like I was with my feet propped up as my belly was busy digesting the yummy Chikfila salad that I had just devoured. (Go me for resting!!)

It's okay not to do it all, and it's okay to be tired even if you aren't doing "everything", whether you are a mom or not. 

There's no need to try to justify your feelings or stress. We all struggle with something. There is a place for struggle in life. Consider it pure joy when you go through trials of many kinds. Embrace it. 

Let's live wholehearted. 

I strongly encourage you to listen to Brene Brown's talk in the video below. It's about 20 minutes long, but so so good in the context of this issue. 

To-do Lists and Losing Control

It was a transitional time for us because we were moving from the basics of responsibility to taking on more responsibilities and discovering new opportunities. As every new parent knows, new family life is kind of like a game of Jenga. All it takes is for one false move or one misplaced breath to make the whole kitten caboodle fall down in disaster. Can I get an amen?

So I told my husband that I needed a couple of hours one morning to get alone and do some planning and praying in regards to managing our home in anticipation for this time of transition.

I sat in the library and I read this verse,

"His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. " 2 Peter 1:3

Oh and I thought about it, and thought about it some more until I believed it wholeheartedly. God has given me everything we need for life and godliness. And then the Lord spoke to my heart about the why. Yes, I wanted and needed to do things a bit more efficiently in the home, but it wasn't so I could feel accomplished. It wasn't so we could do our own thing with the margin that I was seeking to create in our lives. The purpose was to have space in our lives for the other opportunities God had given us and to have the freedom to be more intentional in our relationships with one another and with others.

I prayed to the Lord, and I left the libray with clear direction for that season in our lives. I had pages of notes. I had schedules. I had routines. It was lovely.

The weeks passed, and everything has truly fallen into place. The temptation sets in to put my faith in my schedules and routines. The desire to control my environment sets in. But that's not how the story goes.

In Christ, we keep going on onward, trusting in Him for guidance. He offers it to us in so many ways. There's no one way to catch it outside of just staying close to Him. His sheep know His voice. He is not the author of confusion. He allows us to see clearly what He wants us to see and when He wants us to see it. Sometimes it takes waiting on the Lord quietly and still. Sometimes it takes waiting on the Lord as we walk out in faith as we continue to do the things that we know for sure that He has called us to do, and in time Jesus reveals that next step.

Whatever the case, I ask Him daily....sometimes several times daily, because I tend to get unfocused.

Lord, help me to be faithful to the work you have for me today; but that comes secondary to just being with Him bringing Him my struggles and listening to His Word for life and strength.

At the end of the day, in housekeeping and in life.

"Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain." Psalm 127:1

"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1

May we work according to the plans and purpose of our Master Builder. May we not tear down. May we not work for the sake of keeping busy. Lord have your way in us.

Brokenness Aside

'Cause I am a sinner
 If it's not one thing it's another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
You are a Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

- lyrics from Brokenness Aside by All Sons and Daughters

A Prayer on Good Friday.

Lord Jesus,

Thank you. You didn't have to do it, but you did. It cost you your life. It was the reason that you, being 100% God and simultaneously 100% man, walked this earth. Like us. Being one of us, but with divine glory.

You took on the cost of my sin. You took on the cost of the burden, the burden of trying to live according to a law that already had doomed me to destruction.

You took my filthy bag of self-righteousness and delivered onto me a righteousness from heaven.

You died, so that I might live. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Father.

Lord, I pray that you would help me to live in that moment. In the moment of recognition that I could never earn your love. I could never be good enough. And thanks to your sacrifice, I never have to try to.

You are God alone who extends grace alone to a sinner, like me, lonely in my mess.

I could imagine how I would feel being around in the days where you gave your life on Calvary. Having every promise that you would rise, you died. You didn't just die, but it was a crucifixion that should have been mine. I am the adulteress woman for in my heart I have lusted. I am the murderer for in my heart I have hated. It was my price to pay, but you covered it in full. I think I would have been sad Lord, to see you in the manner of which you gave your life. I would have felt guilty, but for that reason too, you died, to free us from condemnation.

Thank you Lord. Thank you.

Lord, I know that you rose again on the third day and that gives this whole thing meaning, but at this very moment I want to take a second to remember the sacrifice that changed everything.

Help me to know that this grace you provide is lavish and consuming. Oh it overwhelms me at times, but the truth is you don't need my help. My help only weakens the gift that you give.

So I'll make no empty promises to you my Lord, I just want to say thank you. I just want to know you, more and more, to live in this love that you have shown, by dying on a tree.

Lord, you did it just for me.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Throwout Thursday

It was 2-3 months ago when I ran across a webcast for a Barna Group event called Frames Live. You can find info about it here.

Looking back, this webcast was kind of a turning point for me in some ways. I am a stay at home mom. My days are filled with mundane yet necessary details. I am not referring to my son or husband. They are the highlights of my days, for sure. I'm talking about the small stuff that keeps the necessary things in life going smoothly. 

Like laundry days, wiping down counter tops, scrubbing bathrooms, and killing ants. It's not a glamorous job, but someone has to do it. I am thankful that this someone is indeed me. 

But on this day, I was reminded that this stuff is good, but there's also other goods in my heart and life. It reminded me of why what happens inside these walls is important to what happens outside of these walls and etc. It reminded me that there is more to life than our usual routines. 

I was challenged to rethink how I use my time. It was a lovely thing. 

Then along came this character named, Bob Goff. I use the word "character" in the most friendliest and respectful of intentions. Bob Goff is a best selling author, lawyer, professor, and  founder of Restore International (a non-profit organization which was established to address injustice against children. He made me laugh. Yet I wasn't laughing at him. I was laughing with him and his incredulous invitation to live life ti the fullest in Christ. He also said that on Thursdays, he quits something. He explained further by saying it's not bad things that he quits. He quits good things. And he does this to make space in his life for people, to love them, really love them. He said that he wants to be available for people. When people call, he answers. 

This was cah-razy talk to me. I am a stay at home mom, but even then I am usually not available to anyone outside of my household in such a way. 

But then I decided to try it. I didn't really have much to choose from because at that time I wasn't really involved in anything. Therefore, I decided to quit the Facebook app on my phone and Instagram notifications. 

It wasn't the best idea. I post pics of my son on my personal Facebook page for my out of town family (and all of our family lives out of town) and close friends to see. I couldn't do that anymore. So, on Friday I rejoined the world of Facebook mobile. But I did stop getting notifications on my phone. 

It was kinda lonely on the first day or  two, but after that it was...magical? Okay, okay, maybe not magical, but it has been great for me. I still haven't reactived receiving those notifications, and I don't see myself changing that anytime soon, if ever. For once, I was able to get a grip of my time not for the sake of making myself less available but to become available. I needed to manage my time to more efficiently finish the mundane and necessary tasks so I could move on to the other stuff that was just as necessary...like loving people and doing whatever else God led me to do. 

When the next Thursday came along, I had nothing else to quit really. So instead I finally started cleaning out some of the unnecessary things that we have in our home that is causing clutter in more ways than one. We have stacks of clutter that moved into this home before I even did that are still there. Oh they have been moved around the house a bit, but they serve no purpose. Thursdays are the perfect day to get rid of them bit by bit, slowly but surely. I often say that Goodwill either loves me on Thursdays or hates me because I have been there probably eight times in the last 10 weeks or so.

Oh yea, it's that serious. 

I'm kinda hooked.

Our home is getting uncluttered and it's all going to a great cause. What I couldn't do in 3 years is happening every week. We are starting to see real progress in our home. 

Quit Something Thursdays. 

Throwout Thursdays. 

One of those or none of those will work out for you. I'm just sharing my story. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you have a routine way of clearing out clutter in your life?

And here's a little Bob Goff for ya.

Abiding and Camping

I love to camp.

I've never been camping, but I imagine I would probably be okay at it. Scratch that. I don't like bugs.

Somehow I find myself camping all of the time.

When God reveals something to me about a situation. I camp there.

I'm not talking about pitching moveable tents. I move in the family and start building house there.

What was an eye opening revelation, I turn into a set of rules.

If God allows for something incredible to happen while I am wearing a green shirt, then you better believe that I will try to buy out the store of all of the green shirts they have on their shelves. Who cares if I bankrupt our bank account in the process? God will provide!!

Oh vey.

There's that part of me that wants to have this thing called life "under control", and if I can have that sense of control under the guise of faith then I feel like I have all of my bases covered.

In all fairness, my intentions are good.

But that only goes so far. Our righteousness is like filthy rags, no matter how you much you Febreze them.

So what I am learning is to abide in the Lord and allow Him to lead bit by bit, step by step. My camping only leads to rule setting and then rule setting leads to carrying around burdens that I wasn't meant to carry. So then I get tired, so tired that I want to give up; so tired that I blame The One who offers an invitation to life abundant and everlasting.

It's a free life, the one who abides in the Life Giver.

Our Lord God is faithful to guide our steps; and He's nothing like the control freak that I tend to be.

His love is perfect.

The Tired One.

Lately, these two verses have been coming to mind when I am tired. It's not an intentional thing. They just come to mind. It's a God thing. 

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 NIV

"Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God..." Psalm 46:10 AMP 

These verses put me in my place. I am the tired one. I am not the one that can control my situation. I can try, but recognizing that immediately frees me to receive God's immediate help. I am the tired one. He is the faithful one. He is the one who brings strength. If He tells me to rest, I can trust that. If He tells me to finish my task, I can trust that.

He gives us rest.

And some times you just have to talk to yourself, encourage yourself and say, "Let be and be still. Know that He is God. Come to Him. You are weary and burdened; tired and afraid; weak and worrisome; but He will give you rest."

You can trust that.

Not a Book Review: Love Does By Bob Goff

I once did a review for a legit entertainment company. True story.

I was in my early 20's and I stumbled upon their website, got in contact with the owner, and even flew into Jacksonville to attend one of their events. Trust me when I say that it went just like that, but it still wasn't as glamorous as it sounds.

I was a fly on the wall at the event. True to self, I tend to be shy when speaking to people one on one. The owner didn't even know that I was there until after the fact.

It happened though. They sent me an audio file for an up and coming artist and it was my task to review their music.

I was horrible at it, and I mean horrible.

What should have been an honest and factual review with a few feel goods sprinkled in sounded like a middle school love poem gone bad, way bad. I tried so hard to sound smart that I babbled on like an idiot using descriptive phrases that are best left unused.

I am older now though, so I know better. No more reviews for me. I'm no writer really. I am wired as a speaker. In front of many with a mic and stage, I tremble in my boots but somehow God uses that. This blog isn't a work of literature. It's me on a blank stage, speaking and hoping that God will use it.

This is Not a Book Review on Loves Does By Bob Goff. It's just me talking about why I liked it, sharing a couple memorable quotes, and giving you a link to find it for yourself.

So here we go.

Do you remember those Chicken Soup for the Soul books? I described this book to my husband as Red Bull for the soul. That's pretty much how it felt for me. I liked it because it was real, simple, yet incredibly impactful. Each chapter is a story, a true story, from the life of Bob Goff or about someone that he's close enough to write about. Using those stories, Bob describes what he once thought about God or living for God and what he has now learned to be true. I'm not sure if I explained that correctly so I will give you an example.

Chapter 5: The Rearview Mirror
I used to think I could shape the circumstances around me, but now I know Jesus uses circumstances to shape me.

One of the things that I love about Bob is that he doesn't preach to you. He's not who you are going to go to if you are looking for some good 'ole exegesis. He's one you are going to want to go to for Godly wisdom for the stuff that everyday life is made up of. Our ministry is our life. Our life is indeed our ministry. We like to compartmentalize stuff, but that's just not how it goes. Who I am called to be, is who I am called to be period. And they will know we are Christians by our love, so there's that too.

I loved every single story that I read in this book, and after reading each one I had to stop to process. I wanted to read on quickly like I usually do when reading books. But this time it was different. There were no throwaway moments in this book, and I knew if I didn't take the time to soak up that chapter I would lose it because the next chapter would be filled with another life changing truth.

This isn't a book review, but if it was I would totally recommend this book.

Now for some quotes:

"I once heard somebody say that God had closed a door on an opportunity they had hoped for. But I've always wondered if, when we want to do something that we know is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him. Maybe there are times when we think a door has been closed and, instead of misinterpreting the circumstances. God wants us to kick it down. Or perhaps just sit outside of it long enough until somebody tells us we can come in."

"Jesus hardly talked to anyone about what He'd done. The Bible never depicts one of those end-of-camp slideshows where Jesus goes over all He had done with His disciples. Instead, Jesus modeled that we don't need to talk about everything we've done."

The quotes alone mean little in comparison with reading them in context with the stories. This has been such a game changer for me. I hope to read it again very, very soon.

If you want to check it out, you can buy here.

 

 

Words with Friends.

I talk a lot. 

I was thinking about this today as I met with some sisters for breakfast. I just had to get out my silly story about how I thought a beer had upset my stomach when it was really the stomach flu. It really didn't matter that I mentioned it. We're friends and sisters in the Lord, no judgment included, so it was cool. 

The thing was that I was so excited to share that (Let's chalk it up to not being around too many adults during the week.) that I wasn't really listening as much as I could have to the story that someone was sharing because it reminded me of my story and I got excited about sharing it. 

That happens to me a lot. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not getting all woe-is-me about it. It's just something that God is allowing me to see so I think He is bringing this to my attention for a reason. 

Words are getting my attention. My words. 

With our words we can tear down or build up. We can build cages of judgment with them or we can be inclusive and life giving. We can serve others with our words or we can serve ourselves. 

The most excellent way to use my words is to love others. It's also the hardest at times. 

But here's the thing, love isn't is a script that we rehearse. Love comes from our hearts and our lips echo it's sentiments. 

I think that's why it can be so tricky. There's not really a 3-step rule for me to memorize and practice or an answer book that I can grade my responses against. We like to think so, but that's not the case. It's a heart thing. 

So here's my plan. I'm going to surrender to God. Allow Him to show me my faults through His Word. Only His Word can tear down my weaknesses while giving me strength. Only He can see past my words into my heart. 

So in case you haven't noticed, the beer story was not really a big deal; but it was pretty cool how God used such an otherwise insignificant moment to show me something much more important. 

Not one moment is lost in the Lord. He has the marvelous ability to make ALL things work together for the good of those who love God and who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

That's us, brothers and sisters in the Lord. Be encouraged. 

I want to start something.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of all of the articles telling me that wiping my boy's nose is the only good thing that I should embrace. I am. I don't need to defend the greatness of every little moment with my sweet boy and family. I know it, and I know it well. I wouldn't trade those moments for the world.

I am tired of people trying so hard to make sure that those with the "thankless" and more background type gifts feel special that those with the not-so-quiet abilities feel shamed. Neither person is more qualified or useful in the kingdom of God, so why do we feel like we have to pick one?

I am tired of ranting... like I am doing now. 

I want to start something. 

I want to do something. 

I want to see women encouraged in their homes to manage it well, knowing, that yes, this pleases the Lord; but it's us making it more difficult than it's meant to be by adding so many rules and such. 

We don't have to have the house with all of the newest things. We don't have to have the most decorated of homes. Not every moment in our day can and should be Instagram worthy, and it's okay for us to look a little homely every now and again. 

So maybe this is a call to get over ourselves. WifeMom, I'm looking at us. Yes, we are important. Yes, our homes pretty much revolve around us. Our job in the home is vital. But in these cases, our job in the home is one of two. Actually, it's one of three. Ultimately, it is the Lord who keeps us all. Only He can protect us to the level that we think we can our children. 

Have you read the Great Commission lately?

It was spoken to women (even mothers, GASP!) as much as it was spoken to everyone else. We can't make a difference in our world if we are too busy shushing the calling of God in our lives out of shame that it makes us less than a good mom. 

Don't shush those Godly desires for the sake of trying to keep up with dozens of household ideas and plans. I'm talking about the extra ones that we add to try to make ourselves look and feel good but only seem to burn us out. I have done it a lot so I know what I am talking about firsthand.

I'm talking to me too. 

This post is in reference to letting go of those things that become an unnecessary burden. I  have tried cloth diapers, and lots of other stuff. Making plans and executing ideas comes with the manager job title. It's good for us to try to be efficient in our homes. Some of these things worked for us for a time, some are still working for us, and some of them didn't work for us at all; but it's all part of the process.

I want to see women encouraged to listen to God and allow Him to direct their paths and to free themselves to follow it wherever that might lead. 

I am not speaking against stay at home mom-ness and telling everyone to go out and run the world like Beyonce because we are women hear us roar. My point is that only God knows those sweet plans that He has for us. Seek Him. Follow Him. Let Him lead. Listen closely to those Godly desires that He has placed in you. Don't shush them. 

I still want to start something.

But for now, welcome to the blog.

I'll try to keep the rants to a minimum.