All the Single Ladies, This one's for you.

I was single for awhile, a long while, before I met my husband. We got married when I was twenty seven. 

And this is where the thirty-something, or forty-something, year old single woman sighs and rolls her eyes. 

Yes, I married in my twenties, but barely. Okay, that's probably not helping either. 

Instead of trying to prove to you why I feel some sort of qualification to write this post, I'll tell you why I am so hesitant to write it. 

I'm married. When I was single, I was the nice girl that received a lot of unsolicited advice and pity. Way before saying "I do", I vowed not to be not to be one of those women. (P.s. I haven't always succeeded in this department.) It wasn't because I didn't want or need encouragement, I did. It's just not what I got in some instances. Their pity made me feel like some sort of an unlovable alien, and all of their advice seemed like too much of a burden to bear. 

Can I continue being honest with you? I kinda sorta blame the church. 

Somewhere along the line we have started seeing and treating someone's wedding day as a sort of graduation from singleness. The church loves formulas. Heck, I love formulas. It helps us feel like we have some sort of control of our situation when we don't. So when I was single there were a lot of different formulas for me. I've only been married just shy of four years so I bet it's no different now. 

Just for kicks here are just a few that I put on myself: 

1. If I lose X lbs, then I will find a husband.

2. If I start better managing my money, then I will find a husband. 

3. If I start being more open to dating shorter men, then I will find my husband. 

4. If I straighten my hair more often, then I will find my husband. 

5. If I learn how to cook, then I will find a husband. 

NONE of these things are bad, and I am not trying to paint them out to be. Some of them can be very important. Honestly, I did start better managing my money before I met my husband. But is that the sole reason why we're married?? 

Ummm....no. 

We want so badly to be good enough and then we work so hard to be good enough. Then we start spreading this false news to others. Here's what I believe the Gospel means to singleness and marriage. 

Here's one thing we have to understand. Not everyone will marry. The good news is that if you have that deep desire to be married, chances are it's there for a reason, so exhale, no worries. 

The next thing is that we have to understand that we aren't perfect. I am not the perfect person for my husband. I am not, and I won't be. He's not the perfect person for me either, actually. [DISCLAIMER: We tell each other how perfect we are for each other, but it's only because we have a common understanding of this.] JESUS is. He's THE only one that can satisfy our needs and answer our questions and desires completely. It's good for us to remember that in singleness and in marriage. If we aren't careful we will allow messages from society to really infiltrate our thinking. If I am not careful, I will start looking for peace, comfort, and identity in my husband instead of in Christ. That's dangerous thinking folks. 

Marriage is a blessing among so many others. It's a gift of grace. It's not just a right per say. It's definitely not something we earn either. It's to be taken seriously and to be enjoyed thoroughly. It's not really something that I know how to describe, but this I know. Whatever ideas you have of marriage in your singleness, you carry into marriage. So if you want to work on something, work on that. Work on loving the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, and mind. Work on knowing Him above all else and above all others. Know that you aren't broken in comparison to a married woman. Know that you are not some second rate citizen or any less mature because of your marital status. Pray about searching out a nurturing community if you feel you are missing one. Work on finding and nurturing your hobbies. Read. Play. Travel. Work on depending on Christ for constant encouragement and identity because all of the flowers in all of the world can't give you as much as a word from God can. It's true ya'll. 

And if/when you find yourself married, appreciate your husband. Encourage him and be encouraged by him. Appreciate his love and give so much grace. Love. Respect. Nurture your marriage. Cherish your times together. And know, this is soo good. All of it is because He is.